INMATES RUNNING ASYLUM --

American military prepares for
Operation "Valley Forge"

Congress to the troops:
"No shirt? No shoes?
No problem!"




Recently-Purchased Congressional Votes on Military Funding/Surrender:

HOUSE -- (voting to fund the war, stuff the cash-boxes of greedy lawmakers' pet projects, and provide the enemy with a date-certain surrender)




Self-loathing Spineless Yellow Jelly-fish Party -- 218 Yay

Apologetic Impotent Paralyzed Mute Party -- 212 Nay



SENATE -- (voting to fund the war and the pet projects but strip out the commitment to a date-certain surrender)


Self-loathing Spineless Yellow Jelly-fish Party -- 50 Nay

Apologetic Impotent Paralyzed Mute Party -- 48 Yay

The literally life-and-death questions of whether, over the next year

(a) when American military personnel reach into their packs for an ammunition clip, they will find one at hand,

and

(b) when one of them falls on the field of battle there will be anyone to step into the gap in the line,

were proposed this week in the American national legislative assemblies, right alongside questions of whether (among other things) spinach, peanuts, shrimp, Christmas trees, and political conventions will be beneficiaries of special subsidies.


Once upon a time, not long ago, the consumate symbol of political pork-barreling was the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere" in Alaska. Clearly the new Bridge to Nowhere is much closer to the nation's capitol-- apparently one crosses it on the way up the steps to the front door. Never, since the brainless meddling of King George III, has the American nation been so ill-served by those responsible for its government and well-being.

Hugh Hewitt has aptly dubbed this the "Kung Pao Congress" (that's "Gung Bow" to you mandarin-speakers) owing to its inexplicable loyalty to the ingredients of a good stir-fry.

"Given the pork spent today on shrimp, spinach, and peanuts, this seems like the right way to refer to the new House majority. (Special Secret Ingredient: chicken -- ed.)

Keep reading and keep weeping: the whole miserable Congressional Pork Pie is available for perusal at the Victory Caucus.


DISHONORABLE MENTION
to my personal representative, Oregon Republican Senator Gordon Smith for continuing his bold course of selling out the troops. I will be giving special consideration to arranging for his defeat in '08.

Should Republican turncoat Chuck Hagel give up his laughable bid for the Presidency and decide to stick to trying for another term in the Senate, I'll be on that case too. Defeating him for President? Yeah, right. Next question.

DOS AMIGOS.
















SPEAKING OF OREGON (if we must)

Just in case you had any doubts about the true nature of the effigy-burning thugs of Portland, Oregon, you can watch them in action here and listen to their creative chants while the stuffed camouflage is immolated. Try these on for size:

FRY, FRY, G.I.! – IN IRAQ YOU’RE GONNA DIE!

IT’S NOT JUST BUSH, IT’S THE SOLDIERS TOO –
FASCIST WAR IS NOTHING NEW!

(Musical interlewd)

BUILD A BONFIRE, BUILD A BONFIRE
PUT THE SOLDIERS ON THE TOP –
PUT THE FASCISTS IN THE MIDDLE,
AND WE’LL BURN THE F#*KIN’ LOT!

To close out their little dog-and-pony show, the incendiaries took up a mysterious chant about the electoral process:

IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH CANDIDATE WON –
PUT DOWN YOUR BALLOT AND PICK UP A GUN!

Who should pick up a gun? The soldiers (BOO!)? Or the anarchists (YAY!)? Which candidates? Which ballots? The ones cast in the three Iraqi elections? The charge of the Pelosi Brigade in ’06? The butterflies of Florida 2000? I’m so confused.

But one thing at least is clear, and it’s nothing new. That nasty element who HATE the soldiers who fight in the war did not die with their victory at the ignominious evacuation of Saigon. They’re still here, they still spout their righteous venom.

Some things have changed, however: they no longer try to hide their hatred behind the flower-power mush of Donavan’s version of “The Universal Soldier” (composer Buffy Sainte-Marie’s version had less popular play, but was more forthrightly caustic). It’s all up front.


What they do hide these days are their faces. Notice how the brave souls who speak the unspeakable feel they must mask themselves in order to pull it off on a Saturday and go back to class on a Monday.


At least the ‘Nam-bashing hippies were willing to put their own faces on their vile pronouncements. We have the photo evidence to prove it. (spot the future Presidential candidate on the left)


















Well, sort of. (spot the future Presidential candidate below)


On the other hand, there was some bare-faced protest in Portland that would have been better hidden, especially from the eyes of nearby children. One fine specimen of American youth em-bare-assed himself when he dropped his drawers and laid his personal PEACE MOVEMENT atop an already desecrated American flag. There are many reasons why such things take place (and without interference)-- if you had to narrow it down to one primary reason it would be that no matter what ordinary citizens, police, or civic officials might wish or think or do, no court in the land will ever punish creatures like this in the name of public decency.


SPEAKING OF HIPPIES (Old/Wrinkled Division)
Res Ipsa Loquitur






















Department of ETERNAL YOUTH

Bill Bennett has been soliciting support-the-troop lyrics via his radio show. One creative wag named Tony contributes this:
[hat-tip: the Corner at National Review Online]

The Mission-Plan
(abject apologies to Dr. Suess, Mrs. Geisel, and all the little Geisels as ever were)

That mission-plan!
That mission-plan!
I do not like
that mission plan!

Do you like
The soldier-man?

I do like
the soldier-man!
I just don't like
the mission plan!

Would you like it
here or there?

I do not like it
here or there.
I do not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
the mission plan.
But I like
the soldier-man.

Can you see
the jihad-man?
Can you see him
in Iran?

I cannot see him
in Iran.
I cannot see
the jihad-man!
And if I saw him
in Iraq,
I?d have to take
my protest back!
I do not see the jihad-man,
I do not like this mission-plan!

Would you fight him
in St. Paul?
Would you oppose
jihad at all?

Not in St. Paul,
nowhere at all!
Not in Iran,
Not in Iraq!
I will not fight him here or there,
I will not fight him anywhere.
I still support the soldier-man,
although I hate the mission-plan!

Would you? Could you?
Cut the funds?
Take the money,
and then run?

I would not,
could not,
cut the funds!

You may cut them.
You will see!
Take the cash for
AFDC!

I would not, could not cut the funds.
Nor give the cash to anyone!

I need to get elected soon.
I cannot cut the money, loon!
I do not like this mission plan,
but the voters are big fans!
al-Sadr left his cozy house,
bin Laden's hiding like a mouse!
The mission-plan is working well!
My strategy may go to hell?

A vote! A vote!
A vote! A vote!
Could you, would you,
take a vote?

Not on the floor, nor in committee,
A vote right now would be a pity!

I could not vote now to de-fund,
Two thousand eight is all but won!
I will not criticize Barack,
Or Clinton?s vote to hit Iraq.
I do not like the mission-plan.
Or the ignorant soldier-man!
Whoops I didn't say that right,
please don't quote me, I was tight!

Say!
In the dark?
You're in the dark?
Did you just make a dumb remark?

I will not comment
on that remark.

Would you, could you, on the news?

I would not, could not,
on the news!
I support the soldier-man!
I just don't like this mission plan!
I do not see jihadi-man,
in Iraq or in Iran!
I did not say "I don't respect?"
I told a joke, to bad effect.
The Right can all just go to heck!

You do not want
to win the war?

I do not
want to,
anymore.

Won't you fight the
bad jihadi?

I'm afraid
of Sadr's
Mahdi

Do you want to
flee right now?

No, let's "redeploy" somehow!
I cannot vote to cut supplies—
voters prize our soldiers' lives.
But I so hate the Bushie-man,
that I need to have a plan!
I?ll say I love the soldier-man!
Really, truly, I'm a fan!
Just 'cause I don't want to pay him,
Does not mean I'm seeking mayhem...
Since I cannot cut the money,
I'll try to make the PLAN look funny.
(And also call the Prez a dummy)

I do not like
this mission-plan!

But I do love the
soldier-man!

You love the soldier-
man, you say.
Then support him,
every day!
Read the plan again, I say.

Say!
If you will let me be,
I will read it.
You will see.

Oops!
This is a groovy plan!
This plan could make a better land.
This surge-y plan, this "take and hold,"
Could make jihadis much less bold?

I will not support it, though!
My party says it has to go!
Two thousand eight is near, we'll win it;
I can't switch parties, like Bill Bennett.

I do not have the courage to,
defeat's my only happy news.
And I will focus on the bad.
And I will make Iraqis sad.
I will not fight jihadis there.
I will not fight them ANYWHERE!

This is Bush's
mission-plan.
I can't
support it?

until Hillary flip-flops and says it was hers.